Sensory details
Comments: 2
An old basement down stairs, the air is stale and smelled like old shoes. In sulfurous sneakers and everything lay still. There are broken bricks on the ground that will crumble under your feet. The lockers and cabinets creek as the rust builds on the hinges. The window is filled with spider webs and old bugs crawled all over the walls. The saw dust covers the bricks, like snow or a blanket. The old tools lay still and have not been touched for years.
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jtubbs
on November 27, 2005 at 7:26 PM
Josh, 1. Please include a topic sentence.
2. Some words are misspelled--(in order) basment, amd, cumble, cabnets, higes, spidrs, blaket, bee.
Mr. Tubbs
Josh,
Comment modified)
I think that you did a good job using your words. I think that you also did a good job making pictures in my head wit your words like the old bricks will crumble under your feet. You could use new ways to describe everyday things though. You did use descriptive adjectives like how you say the air is stail, but no verbs (thats alright.) You did a good job with making words linger in my head. I give you a 4. look over this you have some spelling errors, too. I also like how you use that simile in your description.
