The Friendly Letter
Comments: 2
2/8/35
Dear Aslan,
Hi Aslan this is Josh from planet Earth. There are evil people on earth just like the White Witch in Narnia. There’s have been a lot of wars going on in our world caused by evil people. If she would have came to this world she could have caused mass destuction.
Aslan you’re a great lion and everybody in Narnia and the Wardrobe World. I’m glade you came alive or else Peter, and Edmund would have died or turned to stone. When you knight them make sure you give them some advice.
If you decide to come to earth tell me when because then I will know when you are coming. Just when you will come to earth I will have to teach you the rule. I hope you will come and visit us some day but weir a disguised.
Your friend,
Josh Sagan
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daniels
on February 15, 2006 at 2:17 PM
Josh S.Good blog!!!!
#1. 2/2 Your blog is definitly written as a friendly letter.
#2. 2/2 You have all the parts a friendly letter needs.
#3. 2/2 There is three paragraphs and at least three sentences in your blog.
#4. 1/2 Your letter has a conclusion and your thoughts are connected but you didn't exactly use transitions between paragraphs.
#5. 1/2 You misspelled "wear".
Good work!
Daniel
brunsmana
on March 8, 2006 at 10:03 AM
Josh,Excellent entry, very creative. This was a difficult letter to write because it was written from such a different perspective. Great job including a topic sentence and having consistent focus and fluency. Good job revising based on recommendations I gave you in class. "When" is a good transitional word. Next time, try to use at least 2 more transitional words to improve your "organization" score. Remember to reread your sentences and look for errors in verb tense and spelling. You can write your entry in word, run spell check, and then paste into your blog, if you like.
Blog entry is written as a friendly letter 2/2
Friendly letter includes all 5 components 2/2
The body of your letter contains 3 paragraphs with 3 sentences in
each paragraph. 2/2
Your letter contains the components of organization 1.5/2
Correct use of grammar conventions 1.5/2
Total 9/10
Excellent work and effort,
Mrs. Brunsman
P.S. Be sure to show this to Mrs. Lance
