Restaurant
Comments: 1
McDonalds is a lovely place to feast, if you if want extravagant, delicious food. The food is like Cinderella dancing in your mouth. Coming out of the fountain, the coke flows into the cold ice, fizzes and bubbles as they put the top on. To the top of the fry container, the fries are filled. Quickly and decisively the lavishly decorated servant hands you your gourmet feast. The amazingly sophisticated “toys” in the “Joyful meals”, provide top-class learning material for your child. So why choose something else, when McDonalds is available?
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brunsmana
on March 6, 2006 at 1:24 PM
Jack,This is hilarious! It really made me laugh.
Fluent Paragraph:1/2
Varying beginnings: 2/2 (exceptional)
Varying sentence length:2/2
lingering words:1/1
creative word choices:1/1
powerful verbs, specific nouns & adjectives:1/1
correct grammar conventions:1/1
You've done a great job adding description. For example,"lovely place to feast," and "fizzes and bubbles." Make sure when that your sentences still makes sense. For example, "extravagent, delicious food" - Is McDonalds food extravagent"the lavishly decorated servant" - are McDonalds servants usually lavishly decorated?
Total:9/10
Good work,
Mrs. Brunsman
